March 15, 2019
Donâ€™t worry, itâ€™s not all doom and gloom yet. If you had the inclination to click on this article after reading the title, there is hope for you still!
Marriage is a big commitment, and as it is said in common parlance, it is one that lasts several lifetimes, janam-janam ka bandhan. And if you are feeling queasy at the thought of spending a lifetime with a single person, we are here to tell you itâ€™s not that bad.Now, coming to those who entered into the holy bonds of matrimony willingly, and are now struggling to keep it afloat.
First of all, we want to assure you that this is not the world-ending scenario. Marriage, like everything else in life, needs hard work, and there is no perfect model of marriage. Each one has its strengths and weaknesses. Secondly, you have recognized that you need to put in that hard work, and thatâ€™s great.
Now, in a similar self-correcting fashion, we have compiled a list of fatal mistakes, that every mortal bound in a conjugal relationship should avoid if they want their relationship to flourish. So letâ€™s take a walk down the lane of fatal marital missteps, shall we?
Marriage is a bond of two souls. This statement is true to an extent. The other half of the truth is that it is a shared physical bond which solidifies the marriage. Work, everyday chores, kids and a million other responsibilities can make it quite impossible to take out time for some intimate one-on-one. And this is a grave mistake. It leads to a disconnect, which in extreme cases, prompts people to look for that missing connection outside marriage.
For the naĂŻve, let me put it this way. If you want a hale and hearty marriage, put in some effort between the sheets, and make it a priority.
No sentence does more harm to your marriage than the one that begins with, â€śI wish you wouldâ€¦â€ť Keep comparisons out of your marriage. Take your spouse for what s/he, and not what they could be. You would save yourself the pain of a broken heart and home, in the long run.
Let me illustrate this one, with an anecdote. A few months into my marriage, I made it a routine to greet him in the evening in my usual, drawstrings pajamas, and an old T-shirt avatar. A few days later, I and my husband went out for a party and I changed into something which wasnâ€™t so comfortable. The relief that I saw on my husbandâ€™s face, made me realize that I had been slacking off.
So, moral of the story, donâ€™t fall into familiar patterns, just because they seem comfortable. Make your partner feel valued by putting in some effort, into your home, as well as yourself.
This one is especially relevant in our cultural context, where marriages are as much, if not more, about the respective families of the bride and the groom as it is about them. Itâ€™s okay if you want the wise, sage counsel of your parents because they have the wisdom of the years with them. However, itâ€™s not acceptable to give them the authority to call the shots in your marriage.
The secret behind happy marriages â€” clearly established boundaries.
It seems a very delicate issue, and thatâ€™s why every fiscal matter should be discussed and debated upon in great detail and not pushed under the carpet. Rather than berating each other over spending habits later on, and resenting them for it, itâ€™s better to start on a clear ground.
Itâ€™s better if you get money matters out of the way straight away. Create a realistic budget, and work to meet it as a team. Also, make financial goals, which you both can work on together.
While a good marriage is all about teamwork, its individual units also need to function well, for it to work well. This means that some alone downtime is a prerequisite for a healthy marriage.Try to take some time off as an individual and go on solo trips. Recharge yourself. The days spent apart will only make you look forward to your partner and also give you enough time to decompress. Encourage your spouse to do so as well.
Now that you have this roadmap, we are sure you would be able to avoid these missteps and have a smooth sailing marriage. Remember, it takes two to tango, so give your partner a hand in making it work, and if needed, motivate them to work on it as well.
Do you know of any other thought or behavioural patterns that can fatally harm a marriage? Let us know in the comments section.