61 Best Valentine‚Äôs Day Jokes January 14, 2020
Valentine‚Äôs Day is all about spreading love. Whether you have a partner or not, you can celebrate this romantic day having fun. One of the best ways to celebrate Valentine‚Äôs Day is by sharing jokes that will make everyone‚Äôs stomach hurt with laughter. Host a Valentine‚Äôs Day-themed party, arrange some exciting games, and share these uproarious one-liners and hilarious jokes with everyone.
To jazz up your party night, we have gathered some funny jokes for kids, some witty jokes for couples, and some super sarcastic jokes for all the single people in the house. Check them out!
Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?
A: A Valen-tiny.
I gave blood today.
It may not be the best Valentine‚Äôs Day present, but at least it came from the heart.
Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: I find you very attractive
Q: How did the phone propose?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: What kind of Valentine‚Äôs Day candy is never on time?
Q: What do owls say to declare their love?
A: Owl be yours!
Q: What‚Äôs the best part about Valentine‚Äôs Day?
A: The day after, when all the candy is on sale.
Q: What did one berry say to the other berry on Valentine‚Äôs Day?
A: I love you ‚Äúberry‚ÄĚ much
Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine‚Äôs Day?
A: Somebunny loves you!
‚ÄúEmma‚ÄĚ hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine‚Äôs Day!
‚ÄúLuke‚ÄĚ who got a Valentine!
Q: What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A: ‚ÄúI love BOO!‚ÄĚ
Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, they had an apple!
Q: What‚Äôs the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentine‚Äôs Day?
A: ‚ÄúWords cannot espresso what you mean to me.‚ÄĚ
Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
A: Because he wanted to have sweet dreams.
Q: What did the girl bee say to the boy bee on Valentine‚Äôs Day?
A: I love bee-ing with you, honey!
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand‚Ä¶
Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine‚Äôs Day?
A: I love you bear-y much!
Egg-cited to be your Valentine!
Q: How can you tell the calendar is popular?
A: It has lots of ‚Äúdates.‚ÄĚ
Q: Why did the man have his girlfriend put in jail?
A: Because she stole his heart.
If there‚Äôs one thing I hate about Valentine‚Äôs Day‚Ä¶it‚Äôs my wife.
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn‚Äôt fancy.
The reception, however, was excellent.
Boyfriend: ‚ÄúHoney, on this Valentine‚Äôs Day, I want to tell you something‚Ä¶ I‚Äôm not rich like Jack, I don‚Äôt have a mansion like Russell or a Porsche like Martin. But, I do love you and want to marry you.‚ÄĚ
Girlfriend: ‚ÄúOh, dear‚Ä¶ I love you too‚Ä¶ But, what was that you said about Martin?‚ÄĚ
If I could, I would wrap up all my love for you and put it in a gift box. But, they don‚Äôt make boxes large enough!
To my beloved husband. You are the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. And you don‚Äôt disappear when I get close to you!
Roses are red,
The grass is green,
Take me to Valentine‚Äôs dinner,
Or I‚Äôll make a scene!
You are my sweet Valentine. I like you like a fat kid likes cake.
Love is like peeing your pants ‚Äď everyone can see it but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my pants
You plan more for Valentine‚Äôs Day than Russia prepared for the Olympics.
If my girlfriend doesn‚Äôt behave nicely to me this Valentine‚Äôs Day, I‚Äôm totally going to show my rage and be in this shitty relationship for 2 more years.
Boyfriend: What did one flame say to the other on Valentine‚Äôs Day?
Girlfriend: Tell me.
Boyfriend: ‚ÄúWe‚Äôre a perfect match.‚ÄĚ
I just got a text from my girlfriend that said, ‚ÄúI bought you an awesome Valentine‚Äôs Day gift! xox‚ÄĚ
I really hope she spelled ‚ÄėXbox‚Äô wrong.
My wife rang me at work on Valentine‚Äôs Day.
She said, ‚ÄúThree of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They‚Äôre absolutely gorgeous.‚ÄĚ
I said, ‚ÄúThat‚Äôs probably why they‚Äôve been sent flowers then.‚ÄĚ
Last Valentine‚Äôs Day, my fianc√©e of four years bought me a lottery ticket and I won $5 million.
I wonder what she‚Äôs doing nowadays‚Ä¶
I‚Äôve just booked a table for my girlfriend and me on Valentine‚Äôs Day.
I hope she knows how to play snooker.
For the last twenty years, I‚Äôve received a Valentine‚Äôs Day card from the same secret admirer.
So, I was upset when I didn‚Äôt get one this year.
First my granny dies, now this?
My girlfriend told me she hoped I had something special planned for Valentine‚Äôs Day.
I said, ‚ÄúI‚Äôm working on it.‚ÄĚ She smiled.
Which was weird because I thought she‚Äôd be upset that I have go to work on Valentine‚Äôs Day.
This year, I‚Äôve gotten my wife a Valentine‚Äôs Day present that will really take her breath away.
I think Cupid must need glasses. The last time I dated a girl, he missed my heart but hit my wallet.
Q: What is the difference between a calendar and you?
A: A calendar has a date on Valentine‚Äôs Day.
I can‚Äôt wait for Valentine‚Äôs Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone. That special someone is me.
If you‚Äôre sad about being alone on Valentine‚Äôs Day, just remember‚Ä¶ Nobody loves you on any other day either.
Tomorrow is Valentine‚Äôs Day. Don‚Äôt worry if you‚Äôre single. You‚Äôre going to die alone anyway!
On your first date with a guy, don‚Äôt give him a list of mistakes made by your previous boyfriends to take home and study.
That tingly feeling you get when you meet someone you‚Äôre really attracted to?
That‚Äôs common sense leaving your body.
What I say out loud: I don‚Äôt need any man in my life this Valentine‚Äôs Day. Men ain‚Äôt shit!
What I say on the inside: What demons do I need to summon to get a guy talk to me?
Q: What do single people call Valentine‚Äôs Day?
A: Happy Independence Day!
8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6,000,000,000+ people‚Ä¶ AND I AM STILL SINGLE.
I am not scared of getting dumped on Valentine‚Äôs Day‚Ä¶because I don‚Äôt have a girlfriend.
I am going to spend my Valentine‚Äôs Day with my ex‚Ä¶box 360.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Vodka costs less,
Than a dinner for two.
Can‚Äôt wait to receive nothing on Valentine‚Äôs Day!
Couples on Valentine‚Äôs Day: ‚ÄúLove is in the air.‚ÄĚ
Me: ‚ÄúNo. Oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen are in the air.‚ÄĚ
Keep calm and SCREW Valentine‚Äôs Day‚Ä¶because I‚Äôm single
Can we rename Valentine‚Äôs Day as Singles Awareness Day? Because you‚Äôre never more aware of the fact that you are single than this time of the year!
I don‚Äôt need a Valentine.
I need a billion dollars and fast metabolism.
All the single birds flew away‚Ä¶
Because they think that on Valentine‚Äôs Day, love is in the air!
You: ‚ÄúSiri, why am I single?‚ÄĚ
Siri: *activates front camera*
Do I have a date for Valentine ‚Äôs Day?
Yes, February 14th.
Laugh your heart out with these hilarious Valentine‚Äôs Day jokes. Send them to your loved ones and make this Valentine‚Äôs Day amusing for everyone! Leave your personal favorite Valentine‚Äôs Day jokes in the comments section below.